By Craig L. Barry T
taken very seriously. When a woman was being introduced to a new male acquaintance, would she offer her hand to be polite? It depends…on introductions taking place inside a room, a married lady generally offers her hand, but a single girl would not. However, in a ballroom setting, where an introduction is made to ask for a dance, not friendship, a gentleman would not initiate contact or shake hands with a lady, only bow. “It may perhaps be stated that the more public the place of introduction, the less touching takes place.”
What were the reasons for this degree of formal etiquette? To a woman of the 1860s, a spotless reputation was the first priority. Someone of dubious character was shunned o be introduced by someone meant they were vouching for your character, which also put that person’s own reputation at risk. For this reason, the formalities of introduction and acquaintance were completely by the rest of “society.” The double standard was best exemplified by the case of that well-known rake, Congressman Dan Sickles, the self-proclaimed hero of Gettysburg’s Peach Orchard. Dan Sickles’ pre-Civil War career was full of personal scandals. He was censured by the New York State Assembly for escorting a well-known prostitute into its chambers.
He also reportedly brought that same prostitute to England with him to meet Queen Victoria, leaving a pregnant wife half his age at home.
Speaking of his wife Teresa, Sickles had married her against the wishes of both families, and, in an ironic twist with tragic consequences, his lack of fidelity came back in his face when his young wife became involved in an illadvised affair with Philip Barton Key II, the son of Francis Scott Key, who wrote “The Star Spangled Banner.” Far from forgiving, upon learning of his wife’s indiscretion in 1859, the enraged Sickles summarily shot and killed Philip Key in the streets of Washington, D.C., allegedly in front of the White House. As for Philip Key, besides being the son of someone famous and beloved, he was perhaps more importantly, the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia.
Now here was a scandal, even by Washington standards. Congressman Sickles was charged with murder but subsequently acquitted after a sensational trial involving the first use in U.S. jurisprudence of temporary insanity as a legal defense for murder. His defense attorney was well chosen, none other than Edwin M. Stanton, later to become Lincoln’s Secretary of War. After this incident, the Bonnie Blue Flag” and other Confederate songs, or spat on soldiers’ uniforms, while teaching their children to do the same. One woman emptied a chamber pot on Capt. David C. Farragut from her window shortly after the Mayor of New Orleans surrendered the city. The women hoped their actions would force a retaliatory incident serious enough to incite paroled Confederate men to revolt against the occupying Federal troops in New Orleans.” Butler’s men showed admirable restraint against the insults, but he knew that it was only a matter of time until one soldier, pressed too far, would confront or arrest some female belligerent and incite a riot from a mob made up of irate and impassioned gentlemen of the city. Butler feared that his small occupation force would be overcome by the outraged mob and that the matter would result in anarchy. He summarily dealt with the problem on May 15, 1862, by issuing General Orders No. 28, carefully worded to stop dead the insults to his men:
Except for a few isolated incidents this plan worked very well, and when the ladies of New Orleans learned they would be subject to arrest as vagrants or prostitutes and thus branded as dishonorable just for the act of demeaning a man wearing a U.S. army uniform, the insults stopped abruptly. Psychologically, the reason this worked was due to the potential for absolute destruction to their reputation which could result from even the perception of dishonor. For example, any arrest of this sort could mean the unfortunate women might never marry someone from same social register, or be able to get one of the few decent jobs available such as schoolteacher or nurse; if she was already married her husband was expected to throw her out or at least live apart from her…send her away.
Butler made the insulting behavior no longer worth the potential social cost to the ladies of New Orleans. He achieved a nearly complete surrender based solely on the societal pressure of etiquette without any further action. Well, almost…one Mrs. Eugenia Levy Philips of New Orleans, wife of a former congressman from Alabama and mother of nine, already pardoned once, earned herself a 90 day sentence at Shipp Island with other Confederate As the officers and soldiers of the United States have been subject to repeated insults from the women (calling themselves ladies) of New Orleans in return for the most scrupulous non-interference and courtesy on our part, it is ordered that hereafter when any female shall by word, gesture, or movement insult or show contempt for any officer or soldier of the United States she shall be regarded and held liable to be treated as a woman of the town plying her avocation.
By command of Major-General Butler: GEO. C. STRONG, Assistant Adjutant-General and Chief of Staff prisoners in July 1862 for standing on her balcony and shouting disparagements at a Union funeral procession passing by. When confronted with the facts in court, she stated “Yes, I was in good spirits that day.”
Technically, the charges were not pressed as stated in General Orders 28, “being a woman of the town plying her avocations,” but rather the complaint was in the legal realm of disorderly conduct “…acting as a dangerous woman, stirring up strife and inciting a riot.” Few others followed her example, and after her release from prison the notorious Mrs. Philips with her husband and brood moved to LaGrange, Georgia, for the rest of the war. Her husband, Philip Philips practiced law in Washington, D.C., after the war but never achieved as much in his political career as he might have otherwise because of the “unrestrained activities of his wife.” Even the stalwart Confederate patriot Mary Chesnutt noted in her diary that Mrs. Philips was “a bad, mad woman.”
American society in the 1860s was extremely concerned with the maintenance of proper standards for both men and women, but particularly women. Hence, we can see that the “rules” of behavior were very different for women of the Civil War-era than for men. Men would have been well aware of this double standard unless they were terribly stupid or socially backward. In conclusion the goal is to base any portrayal of 1860s behaviors on the existing documentation of the manners of the time period. The surviving record strongly suggests that tipping your hat to a lady on the street who is a total stranger and saying “Good Morning, Ma’am” or almost anything else would cause her to potentially be seen as less than honorable and set tongues wagging. People would gossip endlessly about the circumstances of your greeting, assume there was a prior acquaintance, and depending on who witnessed the exchange it could be very damaging. For example, it raises several questions beginning with, “How does she know those soldiers?,” which leads to “Has she been out to their camp?,” and then logically to speculation on “What was she doing there?” inferring nothing good and so on.
Hence, this common greeting would only be initiated by the man if he wanted to cast doubt on the woman’s character for some reason, or to show himself to be uncouth and crude. To demonstrate the proper respect expected of a Southern gentleman, he would wait for a cue from the woman to whom he wished to speak and never initiate even polite conversation with female strangers in the street.
Craig L. Barrywasbornin Charlottesville, Va. Heholdshis BA and Mastersdegreesfrom UNC (Charlotte). CraigservedThe Watchdog Civil War Quarterlyas Associate Editorand Editorfrom 2003– 2017. The Watchdogpublishedbooksandcolumnson 19th-centurymaterial. Heistheauthorofseveral booksincludingThe Civil War Musket: A Handbookfor Historical Accuracy(2006, 2011), The Unfinished Fight: Essayson Confederate Material CultureVol. I and II (2012, 2013). Hehasalsopublishedfourbooksinthe Supplierstothe Confederacyserieson English Arms & Accoutrements, Quartermasterstoresandother Europeanimports.
